he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
