I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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