Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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