She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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