Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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