no, he came in my armpit
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
