A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
