Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
