Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
