Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
