he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize