Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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