I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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