my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
