I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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