i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i drank out of a bidet.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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