I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize