I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
