What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
