Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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