i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
