I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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