Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
