Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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