Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize