You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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