we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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