He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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