as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i may or may not be watching the land before time
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
