we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
