Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
