Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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