why didn't you poke me back
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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