Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
