Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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