i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
