what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
