my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
