it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
