Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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