I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Randomize
