I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
