we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
