I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize