Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
