dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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