There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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