everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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