He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
