he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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