did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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