If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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