we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
