In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
