I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
