Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
