before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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