Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
