i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
