i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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