I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
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