With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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