You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
that is very illegal...i love you.
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