Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
