She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
