I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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