She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
