I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
