Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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