Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
