I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Swine flu. Run for my life!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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