I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
