So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
