and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize