They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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