The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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