last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
