last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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