And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
