Screwed.edu
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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