True but thats because hes a fetus.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize