I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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