btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
one might say we're banned from that church
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
