you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You left your phone here
Wait...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
