i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
