I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
