im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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