Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How's work?
Spinning.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
