You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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