you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
