mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
