currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
