I wish I could teleport
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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