I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
