and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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