I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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